Repost: Offbeat Bride | The dowry tradition and how it relates to today’s bride

If you’re wondering about financing your wedding, check out this lively debate over at Offbeat Bride, and be sure to read the comments!  The focus is on whether or not the brides parents should pay for the wedding, and all that it implies..
 Offbeat Bride | The dowry tradition and how it relates to today’s bride
Before I let you go, here’s my own take on the subject…
It’s lovely when parents are willing and able to help finance a wedding. When a bridal couple accepts financial help, it should be in a posture of gratitude, not with an air of entitlement. Financial help should also be accepted with a clear understanding of what the expectations are.


Your wedding should fit within the framework of your your personal values. Here are some considerations that may effect how you allocate your resources.
• You may highly value staying out of debt

Photo courtesy of Sharp Exposure Photography

• One of your values might be your sense of community which might lead to a larger guest list (and potentially greater expense).  
• Your heritage and traditions might be an aspect of your wedding that brings you the most joy.
• You might also value having a green wedding or supporting locally owned businesses!  
• Having a fair-trade celebration might be very important to you.
You might have a really different set of sensibilities than your parents, and it will be important to communicate your plans, hopes and desires with them before they share financial stake in your wedding celebration.  The last thing you want before your wedding is conflict over how much input your parents have after they’ve bankrolled your wedding!


I recognize that money can be one of the more difficult topics to discuss.  We tend to have a lot of emotion wrapped up in the meaning of how we choose to spend or not spend our money. If the topic is too daunting to discuss, consider talking it over with your fiance, or getting help from your officiant, pre-marital counselor or life coach, whoever you can depend on to help you move forward with integrity and clarity


One final thought: Did you know that weddings tend to run significantly over budget?!? I have heard weddings generally run 30% over budget, but I’m having trouble verifying the number… A professional wedding planner can help you stay within your budget and prioritize what’s important to you.  Contact Planned Spontaneity.  I can help you celebrate in a way that reflects your style and personal values within your budget.

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